Monday, January 4, 2010

What's in my suitcase?

And who's carrying it?

This post made me think about my own suitcase. What's in there? Guilt, shame, abuse, adultery, lies, addiction, bad choices, hurts and hurting, abandonment, etc, etc, etc. I've always known that I'm carrying around more than I was ever supposed to. Than I was ever meant to. That doesn't mean that the things in my suitcase aren't what make me who I am, or that they can't be used; but that my decision to pick up those things every day is not how I am called to live.

I cannot be the mom, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, and witness I am supposed to be if I am only doing it one-handed.

The basic foundations of my faith dictate that my God created the universe. If I believe that to be true, and I absolutely do, who am I to think that I can handle my suitcase better than He?

When Jesus said "Come to me you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest," He is offering to carry my suitcase. Not just for a while, which is what I find myself thinking. But, no. He is not offering to carry my suitcase for a couple of days, weeks, months, but He is offering to take the burden from me forever.

So, why can't I let go?

It's easier, for sure. Mentally, at least. Easier for me to carry (read: handle) my burdens rather than trust that He will carry them, and me. It's more comfortable to keep one hand on my past while trying to live in the present. To use my suitcase as a shield from whatever may be coming.

This year, I want to really try to let go of my suitcase. To make a real effort to stop lugging that thing around each and every day, so that I can live my life with two hands.

We'll see how that goes...

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